• No one ever calls shotgun when they are boading a school bus.
  • If I live to be 100, my 100th birthday will fall on a Saturday. That's a pretty good incentive to stay alive 70 more years.
  • I'm pretty sure at some point I will be considered too old to be drinking Mountain Dew. I'm not sure what I'll drink when that day comes.

Vandalism Blues

“While I was sitting down, I saw something that drove me crazy. Somebody’d written ‘F*** Y**’ on the wall. It drove me damn near crazy. I thought how Phoebe and all the other little kids would see it, and how they’d wonder what the hell it meant, and then finally some dirty kid would tell [...]

When Carpets Become Spittoons

Here’s another entry from my personal journal of the 2008-2009 school year. Look for other tales from the classroom under the tag “Rotten Apples.” Please note that all student and school names have been changed in the interest of privacy.
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September 11, 2008
When Carpets Become Spittoons
It was a lovely end to the day today.  About 15 [...]

Thank You, Google

Here’s another entry from my personal journal of the 2008-2009 school year. Look for other tales from the classroom under the tag “Rotten Apples.” Please note that all student and school names and have been changed in the interest of privacy. Enjoy!
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Tuesday, January 7th
Thank You, Google
I was hoping over Christmas Break that my room [...]

From the Cubicle to the Classroom

My name is Travis Martin.  I am 29 years old, and I am an idiot.  I wasn’t always an idiot, though.  In the old days when I went to work, people would listen to me.  They respected me, my credentials, and my opinions.  I was a CPA at a large public accounting firm.  The initials [...]

Weiner, Arkansas – the Capital of Adolescent Humor

Some of the greatest achievements in the history of mankind occurred by accident. Coke, for instance, was invented when Atlanta pharmacist John Pemberton mixed together a handful of random ingredients while trying to invent a cure for headaches. Penicillin was stumbled upon when an absent-minded scientist forgot to clean his laboratory prior to going on [...]

The Legend of Mr. Tooters

Superman wears a cape. Batman wears a utility belt. Mr. Tooters, a student in my Computer Applications class, wears a faded black t-shirt depicting a gaseous stick figure luridly advertising “free gas.”
When Mr. Tooters began my class in early December, he had already achieved mythical status. My fellow teachers spoke cryptically about the seemingly mild-mannered [...]