Captain Awful, the original face of Awful Night (www.milb.com)

There’s a bizzaro-world of Minor League promotions. A twilight-zonesque place where fans are given their freebie on the way out the door. A place where elderly ushers dressed in drag escort fans to their seats. A place where half-eaten hot dog buns are tossed into the stands. And yes, God help us, a place where the music of David Hasselhoff is used to pump up the crowd.

The place is Altoona, Pennsylvania. The theme is “Awful Night.”

In its 7^th incarnation, the Altoona Curve’s signature event is a satirical take on the everyday ballpark experience. As far as promotions go, Awful Night is, by design, as bad as it gets.

Among the high (or low) lights from Awful Night 2009:

• Slugfest 2009 – A blistering race ran by two slugs, Milli and Vanilli, who were liberated from underneath a rock by a member of the Curve grounds crew. Depicted on the videoboard, the race began in the middle of the first inning and concluded four innings later when Milli slimed his way to victory.

• Bun Toss – Hungry fans were relieved in the second inning when the Curve’s mascot, Steamer, tossed plain hot dog buns into the crowd.

• Watching Paint Dry – Fans were riveted during the third inning by a videoboard demonstration of paint drying.

• Stick Pony Race – Admiral Awful races across the outfield on his trusty stick-pony.

• 7^th Inning Fan Cam – Proving that the double entendre is alive and well, the 7^th inning stretch featured a “fan” cam that highlighted some of the best electric fans the park had to offer.

• Gross Growing Contest – The seventh inning concluded with a grass (of the legal variety) growing contest between two Curve groundskeepers.

• Awful Giveaway, Part I – Fresh new t-shirts have no place at an Awful Night. So, in their place Curve staffers chucked “gently used” t-shirts into the crowd.

• Awful Giveaway, Part II – The last five fans to leave the park saw their diligence rewarded with a photo of the Curve PA man sitting on a horse.

• You Call That Music? – The soundtrack for Awful Night consisted of satisfyingly annoying amounts of Celine Dion, Ashlee Simpson, Cher, and David Hasselhoff.

The awfulness extended beyond the music, bad puns, and between-inning entertainment. On the field, the Bowie Baysox pitching staff turned in a performance befitting of Awful Night, giving up 12 runs on 12 hits while walking 9 and helping the Curve run away with a 12-3 victory.

With their seventh Awful Night, and other theme nights like “Salute to Quitters” and “Please Come to Altoona, Will Ferrell” officially in the books, Altoona has cemented a reputation as the Minor League’s Master of the Irreverent.

Related posts:

1. Lessons from the Bush Leagues: Applying the Minor League Mindset to High School Athletics (Part II)
2. Silver Hawks Find Promotional Inspiration in Plumbers, Mustaches
3. Kane County Cougars Thriving in Crowded Market